I am in a cabin in the mountains with my girlfriend’s parents, their friends (a couple), the friends’ son (who is the only guy I have ever dated) and his wife (a friend of mine from high school), some other friends (two who are engaged). My girlfriend (of 3+ yrs) left for grad school 3 days ago.
No one here knows I just spent an hour sobbing alone in the basement trying the best I could to just breathe enough. Everyone is oblivious to their fucking privilege. Their love is supported unequivocally by their family and friends. They can fall in love, commit themselves to one another and keep their religion, and with it, all the solidarity, support, generosity and approval of their community.
These are people who have dated for a matter of MONTHS, and whose relationship is seen as being more valid than our relationship of YEARS. These are people who have never had to hide any facet of their being for fear of being expelled, excommunicated or disowned. And they just roll along merrily like none of this is a big deal while it is ILLEGAL for me to marry the woman I love.
They wear diamond rings and gold bands casually. They never fought for a moment with their consciences or pastors or parents or partners. They never had fear or shame beaten into them. Their parents beam in pride at them, not just tolerate their lover.
Over dinner the conversation turns to marriage. The engaged couple (MONTHS!) interrupt my observation, overruling my opinion because “well, when you’re REALLY committed and getting married…”
I don’t tremble with anger much. But let me tell you, this is not okay.
